Family Portrait
by carby101
Summary: Abby and her family many years after she splits up with carter. Seeing him again brings back many familiar feelings and tears her family apart. FINISHED! Finally went back to m'old account, took me enough time eh?
1. Lost

Authors note: Music is supposed to inspire people and I never really believed it, but now I do. I was sitting thinking about what to write my next fic about and then Family Portrait by Pink came on and this idea came to me at once. Then I went to listen to all the songs on The Eminem Show, thinking about my idea before I actually sat down and started typing. This fic is made up of the diaries of 4 different people, i will say whose diary it is to make it easier to understand but it should be pretty obvious. Please R&R  
  
Things with Carter didn't work out so Abby ran away. She got pregnant, got married, had a baby, got divorced, got pregnant again, got married again and had another baby. 7 years later.......  
  
Thursday 27th March  
  
********The step-daughter~Kacey***************  
  
Dear diary, You know the feeling you get when things just won't go right. I want to talk to someone about it, I can't talk to mom, we aren't close anymore and lets just say that I don't get along with Derek. I haven't talked to mom properly since she married Derek, the only reason that I live with them is because I'm her daughter and she has some sort of twisted sense of duty. I want to go live with dad, but he's in prison for attempted murder, let me just say he didn't take it that well when he found put about Derek. Mom was with Derek behind his back and when he found out and mom asked for a divorce he went nuts and chased after mom with a gun. He never wanted to hurt her, I know that but I know he loved her and when he found out he felt humiliated. So he got charged with attempted murder and I can go see him about once a month, but it's hard to talk to someone when during visits you're being watched by some stupid guards. Anyways, lately I've been distracted, my grades at school have fallen because often I 'forget' to go. Mom yelled, Derek yelled, I yelled back and Ceara cried. She's six years old, poor kid and although she's my sister I never talk to her. I just wish that mom could find someone else, someone who treats her the way I know she wishes Derek would.  
  
******The mother~Abby*********************  
  
Dear diary, Today there was a massive fight between me, Derek and Kacey. The school phoned and said that she hadn't turned up for three days in a row and wanted an explanation. Well I asked her and she just said that school was boring. I miss the days when we used to sit and talk, those days seem so far away, it's hard to believe they were only just before I met Derek. I'm making meeting Derek sound like a bad thing and it really wasn't, he a nice man, he's a good father, I just, well I guess I just wish that Kacey didn't hate him so much. I don't know why she hates Derek and idolises her drunken father. Steve was a drunk, I only married him because I got pregnant and I guess I felt like I could understand him. I'm a drunk too remember. But Steve is a different kind of drunk, for gods sake he chased me down the street with a gun! So I met Derek and fell as much in love with him as his Irish accent. So anyway I'm worried about Kacey but I'm not going to let her come between me and happiness. I'm happy with Derek and I'm not going to change that for anyone, least of all Kacey. I'm happy, I'm happy I guess if I say that enough I'll start to believe it.  
  
************The step-father~Derek*************  
  
Dear diary, Kacey got in trouble, again. Not attending school, the normal thing. Can't say I give a toss, it's not like she's my real daughter. I reckon I should be feeling more worried and care more, but it's hard to care about someone who really never gave you a chance. But Kacey yelled at Abby and I know it's upsetting her more than she's showing. I wish I could read her mind, it would make things a lot easier. I would be able to know what she really wanted. This happens every time, Abby convinces herself that Kacey is going to 'mend her ways', become something she's not, a good girl. Then Kacey goes and gets into trouble again and upsets Abby again and everything goes round in a circle. Abby isn't the only one who gets upset, I know Ceara does. She cries every time the family has a big argument and I know how much everything is hurting her. Kacey has never even tried to get along with Ceara, I remember the day Abby gave birth, Kacey was nine and she ran out of the hospital and we couldn't find her for two days. Everything in this family comes down to Kacey, every up, every down and it shouldn't. Kacey is tearing the family that I've tried so hard to build up apart.  
  
**************The sister~Ceara******************  
  
Kacey got in trouble again today. I cried , I always do i'm such a cry baby. That's what Kacey always calls me when she isn't calling me ginger nut, or skanky whore. I know more naughty words than anyone in my school, thanks to Ceara. I don't want to grow up like Kacey, I want to grow up and make a lot of money and buy mommy lots of presents and daddy and maybe even Kacey. I always get Kacey a Christmas present, she never gets me one. She always throws whatever I get her at the wall. Last Christmas I made her a pretty box to put her things in, it took me ages and ages and ages to make and it look so pretty but she broke it. That made me cry too.  
  
Friday 29th March  
  
**************The step-daughter****************  
  
Dear diary, Yesterday Mom made me go to school. She dropped me outside, instead of letting me walk there and watched me go in. School was pretty crappy and all those cheerleaders get kicks out of making fun of how I dress and act. They're the kind of people who think it's a tragedy if they forget to put on some mascara, excuse me while I barf. The only think that got me through the day was Doug, he's my best friend, nothing more, no matter how much people tease me about him. They assume that just because my best friend is a guy we must be going out, puh-leese. We've known each other since I moved here and he's the only person who actually doesn't think i'm a ho. I guess Cathy and Neesha are okay people, but to tell the truth they annoy me. SO anyways school sucked and I was supposed to walk home with Ceara, but I thought screw that and walked home with doug. Then mom got all annoyed with me and got very, very worried when Ceara didn't show up after a few hours. She phoned the police and at about midnight mom got a call from a hospital in Chicago saying that Ceara was there. She got into the car with Derek and drove there, leaving me in the house on my own. I had Doug over and we chatted watched movies and ate popcorn. It's 10 am now and I haven't heard anything from mom, can't say I care.  
  
***********The daughter*****************  
  
Kacey didn't walk home with me yesterday and so I got on a big, big, bus to go home. But it didn't take me home, after a few hours I got to a big, big city. It was quite scary and this lady saw me and chased after me. I fell over and cut my face on some glass, it hurt. The lady took me to this place where there were lots of hurt and sick people, like me and sat down with me and held my hand while a nice man put some stitches in my face. He was very nice to me and asked where my mommy was and I told him what happened. He said that my sister sounded like an average teenager and he made me laugh. He said I could call him Dr Carter. Then a nice lady who he called Susan came in and said that she needed my mommy's name so she could phone her and tell her where I said , so I told her mommy's name. Then after a bit she came in and talked to Dr Carter and said that the Abby was Abby Lockhart. He was shocked but then I started crying because I missed mommy and he let me sit on his lap while he told me a story and I fell asleep there. Then I woke up and mommy was there, I think she knew the doctor because she talked to him in a way my friend's parents talk to each other. Mommy doesn't talk to daddy that way.  
  
************The mother***************  
  
Dear diary, Well, today Kacey went to school but she didn't walk back with Ceara like I told her to and as a result Ceara got lost. I phoned the police and a few hours later I got a phone call. It was Susan Lewis, would you believe it. She said that my daughter was here, I don't think she knew who I was. So I said,  
  
"Susan? It's me Abby, you know, i used to be Abby Lockhart,"  
  
She was surprised. She told me that Ceara was okay, she was found and came in for a few stitches. So I got into the car with Derek and drove to Chicago. When we got there it turned out that Carter had treated Ceara. He was sitting in curtain 3 and she was asleep in his arms. It was a very sweet sight. I had forgotten how much I miss him, he's a good person. It makes me wonder why things didn't work out between us. He told me and Derek that she was okay and I woke her up and Derek took her to the car. I was left in the room with Carter,  
  
"so," I said to him and he smiled at me the way he used to. He said that it was good to see me again. It almost annoyed me that he wasn't upset that I had got married and had children. He gave me his phone number, he moved house and said that if I wanted I could call him and we could chat. We're back now and I keep on staring at the number, wanting to call him, but knowing I can't. Not if I want to keep my family together.  
  
***********The step-father***********  
  
Dear diary, Well Kacey hit the jackpot. She lost Ceara. Ceara turned up in an ER in Chicago and IO had to drive there with a very upset Abby in the car. When we got there Kacey was asleep on some doctor that Abby seemed to know. She was okay, just had a few stitched put in her face. I went to the car with Ceara and we waited a while for Abby to get back to the car. She took a while, it makes me wonder what she was saying to the doctor. I know Abby used to be a nurse, maybe she was friends with him, maybe she was more than friends with him. I guess I felt jealous. Abby is mine, I own her, she's my wife. I don't want to feel like this. I want to feel happy. Not much chance with Kacey around to ruin things. 


	2. Found

Author's note: This is the new chapter, i'm updating all my fics. Sorry it's so short! Please R&R  
  
Sunday 30th March.  
  
****************The mother****************  
  
Well I phoned him. I don't know why, I just did. It's like I had no free will I just picked up the phone and dialled the number. I talked to Carter and we had a nice conversation. It was nice, I keep on forgetting how much I miss him. I must have spent about 2 hours on the phone and as I said goodbye, for some reason tears fell down my face. I didn't tell him but I cried silently. I feel guilty feeling like this, I should be a mother and do my best for my family but instead I'm sitting here moping over some man.  
  
*******************The step-father***********************  
  
Dear Diary,  
  
Abby's acting strange. Whenever I try to hug her or kiss her she just finds something that she has to do and I can see that she's hurt. I don't want her to be upset and I want to make her better. I can't make her better if I don't know what on earth is wrong with her and she isn't going to tell me. I know that. I'll just have to find out somehow. Ceara is in an insanely good mood and Kacey is acting like she usually does, like a moody teenager. I just don't know what to do to make Abby happy, she isn't happy, I know that and I want more than anything in the world to change things so that she is.  
  
***************************The step-daughter (Kacey)***************************  
  
Hey diary. They're back, large and unfortunately in charge. Ceara's acting like a brat, mom's acting weird and to tell the truth I don't give a toss about Derek. I'm sneaking out to go to a party tonight. Mom will kill me, but I don't care. One of Doug's friends is holding the party. Doug will be there, that'll be a reason enough to go. i don't mean I like him, but at least I'll know someone there. There should be lots of alcohol there, I will probably get drunk bigtime, but that's part of the fun. Music, alcohol, guys, that's how you live life to the full. Right?  
  
***********************The sister (Ceara)****************************  
  
I got back today. Kacey wasn't glad to see me, nothing's changed. Mommy is acting all scary, she seems like her head is in the clouds and she keeps hugging me. I don't understand what's happening. Diary can you help me to understand? Can you make things better? please. I just want my mommy back, I want to live in a happy family like the kids in my class and Barney. I'm going to go watch TV now because Lady and the Tramp is on today and daddy is letting me stay up late and watch it with him. He says we can eat candy and popcorn as long as we don't tell mommy. Mommy says candy will rot my teeth. I love my daddy sosososososo much, he lets me do stuff that mommy doesn't and he loves me back. I think I love him more than mommy, I definitely love him more than Kacey. Kacey says I'll be tortured like Hitler in hell if I say shit like that. 


	3. Confused

A/N- I haven't updated this in ages, so I thought I would. This chapter is from Kacey and Abby's POV. I've decided to give up on giving dates but this chapter is set the day after the previous one. That's kinda obvious.  
  
  
  
  
  
*The Step daughter-Kacey*  
  
Dear Diary, I'm confused. Really, really confused. About everything, life, school....Doug. I went to the party last night and I must have got really, really drunk, because I woke up in Doug's bed. Oh I don't mean it in THAT way, he wasn't in the bed with me if that's what you're thinking. He told me that I got really drunk last night and as his parents are away, so he took me back to his house so that my parents didn't see me in the state that I was in. He was really sweet to me this morning, he slept on the couch and he made me some coffee.  
  
So anyway, once I was up and feeling better I went home. It turned out that Doug phoned Mom and told her that I was sleeping round his house, so I didn't get a lecture from Mom, she seems to think that Doug is a good influence on me. Once I had got home Anni phoned to check if I was okay and explained a lot to me. Apparently I got extremely drunk and started kissing this guy and when Doug saw how drunk I was he tried to get me out of the situation. Then he got into a fight with the guy and according to Anni, he won. So then she said he took back to his house, with me throwing up everywhere. So anyway, Anni started ranting about what a sweet, nice guy Doug was and how much she liked him. I guess he is a good friend and despite what the people at school think, that is all and Anni has had a crush him since forever, so why am I suddenly feeling jealous?  
  
I guess things between me and Doug are complicated, we're good friends and he seems to have this strange sense of duty that tells him to look after me. I guess I feel the same about him, I don't want him to get hurt and if some girl did hurt him, I would be the first to go and punch her brains out.  
  
Today sucked, it really did. I stayed at home and things were going okay and I was in such a good mood, but then everything changed. I got into a huge fight with mom, it was about something stupid and we ended up yelling at each other. Ceara told me to stop yelling at mom and I got really, really pissed off with her and pushed her into the wall. She fell really hard into the wall and didn't move. I froze, I took a look at the deep red blood trickling down her still body from her head. Mom rushed to her and yelled at me to get out of her sight, so I did. I ran. I ran out of the house to Doug's house, where I knocked on the door frantically. He must have been shocked to see me at the door, sobbing, tears falling down my cheeks. I was shaking and saying over and over again,  
  
'I screwed up Doug,'  
  
I fell into his arms and cried as he held me there, saying soothing things to me, trying to comfort me. I was scared, scared that I had killed Ceara, scared that I had lost my home.  
  
  
  
*Abby*  
  
All those years as a nurse and I'm sitting here in the chairs, with Derek holding my hand. My little girl is hurt, possibly dying and my older daughter had run away. I don't think I care about her, I'm becoming numb to the pain. I need someone to hold me, but Derek almost seems to be scared to, like I'm made of glass and am going to smash if he touches me. I don't really want to talk about what happened, I'm scared to. Basically Kacey hurt Ceara really badly, so now Ceara is in hospital. I told Kacey to get out and so she did. I think I need to go get some air, I'll be right back.......... .............. . I can't believe I just did that. I phoned him, I phoned John and cried down the phone to him. He said that he's gonna come here and make sure that I'm okay. I told him he didn't need to, I know Derek will be mad, but part of me can't wait to see him. I want him to come here and make everything okay. 


	4. Familiar feelings

A/N- most of this chapter is from Kacey's POV, apart from a short bit from Abby's. The song is 'I still believe' by Mariah Carey. Please R&R.  
  
~*~*~*~*~* Kacey ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
I woke up on Doug's sofa. I remember everything that happened yesterday. Doug told me that I should phone home to see how Ceara was, so I did. No one picked up and so Doug suggested that I go to the hospital, well at first I didn't want to, but in the end I agreed to go ,if only for a short while.  
  
When I got there I saw something that surprised me, I saw mom talking to some guy I didn't know. He wasn't wearing doctor clothes and I had no idea who he was. I walked up to mom and was surprised to find that Mom practically threw herself onto me and smothered me in a hug.  
  
'Oh Kacey, thank god you're here.' I couldn't believe how.....nice she was being, I wondered if the strange guy had anything to do with her sudden change of heart. Yesterday she was yelling at me to leave and suddenly she was hugging me, she saw me looking at him and she said to me,  
  
'Oh Kace, this is John Carter, an old friend of mine.' He smiled at me and I realised that for someone mom's age, he wasn't that bad looking. He certainly had a cute smile and I'm sure that mom thought so too, the way she was acting. She almost seemed.......happy, something she rarely was with Derek. Actually talking about Derek, I couldn't see him anywhere,  
  
'Mom, where's Derek?' I asked, causing her to smile,  
  
'Oh he's with Ceara, I don't think he's too happy with you at the moment, actually he's not that happy with me right now either,'  
  
'Really? That's great news, are you two gonna break up?'  
  
'No Kacey,'  
  
'Bugger,'  
  
'Kacey...'  
  
'I'm sorry, but it really is about time you broke up with that Irish tosser.'  
  
Mom grinned at the John Carter guy , 'Sorry about my daughter's language, I don't know where she learns it from.'  
  
'Nothing I haven't heard before,' he said, laughing.  
  
'Well I'd better go see how Derek is, I'll be right back,' so Mom left, leaving me and the Carter guy alone together.  
  
'Do you know if Ceara's gonna be okay?' I asked him, trying to break the awkward silence.  
  
'I think she's over the worst,'  
  
'Good,' I said, playing with my hair. He grinned at me and said wistfully,  
  
'You know, your mother always did that when she was nervous,'  
  
'Were you two like.....together?'  
  
'For a while, we were friends a long time before that though, when she still had a boyfriend.'  
  
'You have a long history?'  
  
'A very, very long history,'  
  
'Full of lots of pain?'  
  
'Yup and addictions,'  
  
'Addictions? You mean like mom's drinking?'  
  
'Yeah, we both had our addictions,'  
  
'What was yours?'  
  
'Uhh, drugs,'  
  
'Seriously?'  
  
'Well it was after I got stabbed and a good friend of mine got stabbed too and died.....'  
  
'That's so cool, mom dated a druggie,'  
  
'Well, i dunno if I'd put it like that,'  
  
'So tell me, how would you put it?'  
  
'Uhh.....your mom dated someone who after serious emotional trauma took drugs,' I found myself laughing and I was already beginning to like him. How could mom let him go? He'd be much better for her than Derek, I just know it.  
  
~*~**~*~*~*~*~**~ Abby ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
I was in the car, driving John to a hotel, when a song came on the radio,  
  
******************  
  
You look in my eyes and I get emotional inside  
  
I know it's crazy but you still can touch my heart  
  
And after all this time you think that I,  
  
Wouldn't feel the same, but time melts into nothing and nothing's changed.  
  
I still believe someday you and me will find ourselves in love again.  
  
I had a dream someday you and me will find ourselves in love again.  
  
*******************  
  
He looked at me and said,  
  
'This song could've been written about me,' I look at him, I can't quite believe him, after all this time, I'm happily married, I have a life without him and he thinks he can just come back and say that.  
  
'I, I missed you Abby,' he said, looking at me in his own special way, the way he's always looked at me, the look that makes me want to melt into his arms.  
  
'I missed you too Carter,' I said. When I stopped the car at the hotel he didn't go up to his room alone, I went up with him and I'd never felt as happy as felt as I lay in his arms. 


	5. Unsent letters

A/N - This chapter is from Kacey's POV . A big event in this chapter, as always please R&R. Many thanks to...  
  
Nicole for the help!  
  
Everyone who reviewed this fic or any of my other fics!  
  
Becky for ............being her ;-)  
  
The many carbies/ ER fans that I chat on MSN and AIM, for being great people and for using up so much of my spare time.  
  
Charli and Hna from being the other 2, to make up the famous 3 chicks from the not so Moulin rouge!  
  
Last but not least thanks to Emmie for letting me force ER on her and becoming a good law abiding carby!  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Kacey~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
You would not believe what a day today was. Mom came in late this morning and hurried straight off to the hospital to be with Ceara. Anyway about an hour later, she phoned from the hospital, asking if I could come over to the hospital and bring Ceara's birth certificate with me. Mom had rushed off in such a hurry that she forgot it and so under her instructions I began searching for the birth certificate in the mess that is her desk.  
  
I rooted through all of the drawers and in the very bottom of one of the drawers I found a box, there was a lock on it, but the lock wasn't done up. I know I shouldn't have looked inside, I shouldn't have even thought about it, but something inside me was telling me to look, so I did.  
  
There were a couple of photographs, torn and wrinkled, of my mom, many years ago. In the photographs she was sitting, leaning her head against the chest of some guy. I screwed up my eyes and squint, to see that it wasn't just *some guy* in the photographs, it was the guy from the hospital yesterday, they guy mom used to date. Mom looked so cosy in the photos, something she never looked with Derek, or even with my dad.  
  
I looked beneath the thick wad of photographs to find what seems like a hundred sheets of paper. I tipped the contents of the box out onto the floor and out rolled a ring. It looked very much like an engagement ring and I slipped it onto my finger to find that it was a perfect fit. It looked good and it took all my heart to stop me from stealing it, instead I leafed through the stacks of paper, briefly reading the writing. They were letters, some of them a couple of pages long, all starting the same, 'Dear John,' I picked the shortest letter out of the pile, possibly the most recent one and began to read.....  
  
'Dear John, How are you? I hope that everything is going well for you. I need to tell you something, something really important. You have no many how many times I've tried to write this letter, I don't know if I will even post this letter, but if I do, I need you to read this. I need you to read and not to be upset, because believe me, that's the last thing I want.  
  
'Let me tell you... I'm married to a wonderful man - Derek, I have a beautiful daughter called Ceara with him. I also have a daughter from a previous marriage called Kacey. Well she's what I need to talk to you about; she's not exactly from a previous marriage. John, you're her father. There's so much to explain to you and I can't do it in a letter, I'll explain it to you some time John, I promise.'  
  
I almost dropped the letter in shock, I couldn't believe it - how could he be my father? I mean he's a great guy and all, but - my father? I read through the other letters, they all said the same thing. I just can't believe it. 


	6. ,

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	7. Coffee and Pie

**A/N: Well I haven't written in this account for ages, but I have 3 unfinished fics and I got bored so I'm finishing them off. This is the first to get the treatment. Trying to salvage something maybe (if you didn't know I've been writing on my Stand-alone Sally account, go check out) so finishing a complicated fic in one chapter isn't easy, so understand why it seems all rushed. Thanks to Lyns for the help….and to Hna because she rocks. Oh and just to confuse you, it's written in the present tense, because I prefer that way, and is not in a 'dear diary' form. Oh and some of the more….vulgar language is English vulgarity, so you American people might not…get some.  (This is the revised version, I have…tense issues…)**

******

_The daughter ~ Kacey_

I couldn't tell anyone after I read the letter, not even Doug. The air stopped filling my lungs and for a minute threatened to suffocate me. I couldn't function for days, I couldn't eat, I couldn't sleep, I couldn't talk. Maybe that's why I've found myself knocking on _his_ door. You know, _him, John. Well it isn't literally his door, just the one he'd rented out whilst in the area. I close my eyes and imagine him fumbling in his pocket, searching in his pocket, rushing to let Mom into the room so they can…_you know_. Have rampant sex? Do a little dance? Make a little love? _

You see, I'm not blind, deaf and dumb, whatever Mom may think. I could see how she avoided Derek after seeing him at the hospital, never looking him in the eye. I saw the way she seemed to be…glowing when I bumped into her late at night when she returned from 'watching Ceara' . It took all my willpower not to call out after her '_Watching Ceara? Is that some kind of weird sexual practice imported from…well god knows where.' The way she was smiling secretively, it was just like that time when Doug and I….well some things are better left unsaid. Actually most things concerning Doug, alcohol and I are. I think that's one of the things I got from Mom, I like my vodka._

So I knock once, twice, three times and then wait. Wait for, well seconds probably, but it feels like an eternity, and then he appears. He appears, looking slightly worse for wear, I've probably just woken him up. Good. 

'Kacey, what are you…' I don't waste any time, I get straight in there, interrupting him,

'You stupid, nasty, cocky, shitting, crapping, frigging, sodding asshole.' 

'What the…' he says, trailing off. I take my chance again to interrupt

'How could you? How could you be so damn blind? How could you not notice? Aren't you supposed to be a doctor? Or what…is _Doctor_ a fancy-shmancy thing you like to put in front of a name? What are you, a vet? Are you more used to your patients _moo-ing_ when they're knocked up? '

'Kacey, what's this about?' he asks, his face tired, yet his eyes oh-so awake.

'She was pregnant. Mom was pregnant and you left her.'

'No,' he says, shaking his head sadly, 'no, she wasn't.

'What do you mean?' I ask, feeling my tone soften at the sadness in his voice.

'She had an abortion. She was pregnant, one day I was looking for her and Susan…Dr Lewis…well she's always been hopeless at keeping secrets. She told me where to find your mother.' His voice, which had been so friendly before,  becoming perhaps only minutes away from turning into a nasty growl.

'What do you mean?' I ask, although knowing the answer.

'Susan told me that she was upstairs having an abortion. So I went to find her, I bumped into her on my way up to the abortion ward. She'd had the abortion, behind my back.' The promised growl finally surfaces and is accompanied by a suitably menacing look on his face. 'So I told her where to go, I told her to leave me. So is that why you came? To humiliate me? Then you've succeeded.'

'But you're going to take her back now?' I ask, trying to taunt him into further anger.

'I think….well I_ thought we could put it behind us. I'm not so sure now. Goodbye Kacey, I'm tired.' he says, all but ready to slam the door in my face._

'No! Wait!' I say, well I shout really. Desperate not to let this go, my one last shred of a family, something to hold on to. 'Something happened. I'm not sure what…' I say trailing off, seeing the sceptical look on his face. 'Listen to me!' I say, the anger building up inside me. 'Something happened, something, something made her change her mind. She didn't have the abortion, maybe she couldn't do it. Maybe she was scared, maybe she's a coward, maybe she loved you too much. '

'Kacey, I'd like…no, _love to think that – but you can't know that. You can't even __think that, if she didn't have the abortion, then there'd be a child…' he says, trailing off again, realisation dawning, displayed on his face. He looks at me, his eyes widening,_

'_Hi Dad_.' I say. It sounded corny and stupid in my head and it sure as hell doesn't sound any better when I actually say it. It sounded terrible, hideous, awful, but he smiles. He smiles, assuring me that my lack of witty comments hadn't ruined the moment. _Our_ moment.

**

And so I'm here. Sitting on the hard, surprisingly uncomfortable bed in his hotel room. It's odd actually, the bed looked so plush when I first saw it, all fluffy and squishy…you know? Well I guess some things just surprise you, some people surprise me. I hear him on the phone, talking to Mom and I can imagine her face, I can imagine her crying. She still loves him, I can tell. I don't worry for a second about the demise of my non-family, remember? Ceara, Derek. Derek can rot in hell for all I care, and Ceara? Well who knows? Maybe she'll come and live with me, Mom and Dad. Maybe we could all play happy families, maybe we could pretend we're a normal family. 

I'm interrupted from my thoughts by the sound of dad's voice. 

'So we'll see you then, okay? Yes, I love you too. It'll be fun, we can be a family, walk by the river, _get coffee and pie.'_

And then, in that moment, when I hear him say those words, I know that it's all going to be okay.

**a/n2**: Well the coffee and pie bit wasn't a shoutout or anything…but oi carbitas, go check out coffeeandpie.com and the message board. ::wooks:: Oh and leave me a review. 


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